She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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