Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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