But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
