It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
