Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
