why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
