the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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