hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
