you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
