My first STD was from a foam party
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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