My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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