Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
