drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
