put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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