I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
