that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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