the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
