True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
