I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
