I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
