this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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