Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm really into asian looking animals
dude i'm inner monologue high
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
