And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
false alarm, still single
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
