I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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