I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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