So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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