i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
be right there i have to get my cape
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
