i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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