you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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