The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
