No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
