More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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