I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
