Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
