my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
