just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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