shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
