I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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