my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
