You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
