i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
