Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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