I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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