After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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