a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
