Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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