On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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