Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
