dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
