5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
