They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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