can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i think i have two assholes
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
