i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
