Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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