I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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