toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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