just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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