Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize