Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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