I just saw a hot homeless man
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I can't put those talents on a resume
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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