Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
