found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
