spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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