Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
