Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
