went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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