I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
