Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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