so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
