I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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