so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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