break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize