highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
