Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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