I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
