Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
