Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize